Pee-Wee Football.....A Parody

When the coach demands to play even when the lightning is crashing and the rain is coming down--that coach, upon getting the game they demanded and upon  losing such a game very badly, cannot with any integrity ask for a "do over".....

There was an all important, pee-wee football tournament scheduled.

Two teams were playing the early game on a field of astroturf.

Two teams were playing the late game on grass.

And the clouds were forming.  Heavy weather was coming.....

The two coaches for the early game, and the ref, said "Let's go ahead and play, we can get the game in before the weather hits and it is important to the kids-------we can DO IT!"

The two coaches playing the late game, on grass when it would be raining, discussed the issue.

Coach one, who wore impeccable outfits and spoke eloquently with lots of wit and big words opined "We need to go ahead and play today--the kids are here, the families are here, this team and their families have EQUITIES that need to be protected, and there is no reason to wait------you're not worried about losing, are you??! he stated to his opposing coach, as he continued,,,, "Let's go ahead and just do it today--there is no reason to delay--we can get it done before the rain!"

Coach two, who was a veteran of many seasons and was  laid back, wearing flip flops and sporting a week's growth on his beard and a San Diego Padres baseball hat, said simply  "Why rush?"  He continued.. "We can wait until the week after next, the weather will be better, the fields will be better, and there will be no issues---so let's wait!"

Coach one said  "No!!!!, we need to play right now, there is absolutely no reason to delay--so we should play now."

Coach two, looking back at his team, stated dryly "We're ready to go whenever-- if you want to go today, let's go, but it would be smarter to wait."

The first games on astroturf ended without a hitch, as expected, and then the rain started after that game ended and as the second game, on grass, commenced.........

Interstingly--Coach one disappeared for the first quarter of the game he wanted so desperately. inexplicably, he abandoned his team to be run by his trusted secretary and intern in his absence for the all important first quarter.   And while he was gone, coach one's team got pummelled.  They were slip-sliding all over the place on the increasingly muddy field and having the dog-snot whipped out of them.  It was ugly.  Upon his return, coach one wondered, aloud, what had transpired in the first quarter?  "What happened???" was his question to his two faithful helpers.  But they had no words----"They are running away with it, they are imposing their will on us." one of them murmured.

When the third quarter was almost over, and when  coach two's team was by then winning 56-8------Coach one suddenly changed his tune.  Curiously and unexpectedly--he climbed up on the bleachers and pleaded to the crowd of parents:

"We didn't need to play today!!!!!!!--we should have waited.  Look at this field, it's muddy, and it is not fair to these players!!!-----It's not safe!!!!!   Don't you think we need to end this game and start a new game in three weeks??????!!!!

"This is Unacceptable!!" he screamed to the crowd, who by this time wondered if this particular coach had lost his mind.

Then time out was called, and coach two walked over to coach one and stated, flatly:

"You lobbied for this game, you're losing, and now that you're losing---------NOW you want to do what we should have done--what I WANTED to do before we started----which is to play this in three weeks when the field is dry!!!"  "NO, not going to happen"  said coach two.  He continued.

"You wanted this game, you were intransigent, you're side is getting beat, and you don't get to change the rules after the game you wanted has started.  You wanted this, be careful what you wish for--you might just get it!"   Said coach two.  "Besides--you are not considering all the officials, the scorekeepers, the linesmen, and the referees.  They stayed and put in the effort to officiate this game you so badly wanted--now, you want them to just do it all over again?  That's not happening..."

After this, the clock wound down to zero, the fourth quarter ended and the final score was 62-11.

Coach one and his team were humbled--losing a game they pushed for but that they could have postponed......

Meanwhile, coach one again abandoned his players and parents as he stormed off the field in anger and haste---even refusing to shake hands with the winning coach. 

Then, something really great happened....all the players from both teams shook hands and started eating their snacks, talking to each other, and running through the "human tunnel" their parents created on the field, facing each other and grasping each others' hands.  Everyone left the field happy, even the losing team made friends with the winning team and the day ended with the sun coming out and everything was at peace.

Upon heading to the parking lot to exit the facility--Coach one, the poor sport who left in anger, was reportedly seen sitting in his truck with his secretary and intern, busily banging away on their cell phones all by themselves, with the coach chugging a bottle of Sailor Jerry rum as if it was a Gatorade and he was Michael Jordan.  

It was bizzare behavior to say the least.  It was weird--and the parents he abandoned in the stands just walked by their former coach, shaking their collective heads in disbelief...... 

It was reported that between gulps of the rum, coach one was heard mumbling and talking to himself, saying "I'm quitting!"  I'm done with being the coach, I AM DONE!

The End

*This post is a parody and not based on any real pee-wee football games or political processes or actual real people, coaches, secretaries, valets, or interns....